By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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