DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
