There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Randomize