"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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