My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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