I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
