My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize