I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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