Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
