Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
