You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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