so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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