so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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