I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
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