i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
