Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize