Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
