4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
