This is not my ceiling
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
