we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
