he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
