I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
