It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
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