Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
