I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
