shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
i out mim tonsoeep
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