Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
