He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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