why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
