Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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