Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
