i just had sex bonerless
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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