He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
