okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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