i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize