he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
