so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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