Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
