I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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