I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
