It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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