I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize