Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
