When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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