i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
