i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
