Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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