I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
