i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
