Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
