My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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