He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
