all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
