i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
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