did you get engaged???
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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