thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
