i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
We have started to decorate penises.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
