Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
