i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
