its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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