I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
