So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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