I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
