I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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