real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
