If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
