If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
