he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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