i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
