I want to stick my p in your. b.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
