We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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