I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize